Location: Redcar

Crime: Disturbing the Peace

Weapon used: Rusty hammer

Back in the heady days of 2006, The Belgian was just as quick to anger as the man you know and ignore today. We had attempted to have him tried for malfeasance only to discover that he had never held public office and thus was not capable of being culpable. Further investigation was warranted, so we perused the legal tomes at the public library under the guise of attempting to sleep there for the night, after all “It takes 20 years to build a reputation and five minutes to ruin it.” What we discovered was most interesting. It turns out that brandishing a rusty hammer on the face of a sleeping gypsy whilst demanding very loudly that he “come[s] and [has] a go if [he] think[s] [he's] hard enough!” can be classified as Disturbing the Peace amongst other things. We were not interested in the violent aspects of his crime only that we had found a way to shut the brute up. Like the pathetic weasels we are we immediately hid behind Johnny Law and called Rozzer from the local telephone-box (or “home” as we call it in a vain attempt to convince people that we are actually homeless and not a bunch of well fed idiots) . When the cops showed up they were more interested in what The Belgian was doing with a hammer in the face of a “man of roaming persuasions”. It turned out that the gypsy was not asleep, he was dead from a short, sharp, hammer blow to the fore-brain. The Police were up for arresting The Belgian on suspicion of murder until we pointed out that his unholy noise was the most offensive thing at the scene of the crime. All were agreed that if we had him tried for Disturbing the Peace he would shut up. He was tried. He was found guilty. He was sentenced to be quiet for 5 to 10 years. He failed.