Location: Cathedral of Saint John the Divine, New York
Crime: Organ Theft
Weapon used: Bolt-cutters
“The crimes of this man are never to be forgiven or forgotton,” said the Judge, “furthermore he is a man who shows no remorse for his actions”. The Belgian had based his entire defence on a simple misunderstanding. His version of events did little to prove his innocence, in fact he out right admitted guilt despite posting a plea of not guilty. The official court records are as follows:
Prosecution: So Mr. de Henau, in your own words please tell the court what happened on the night of the 25th of January.
Defendant: Well... so... I had fallen foul of a loan shark called Bruce “Cutter” Hardman, I owed him €40,000, having borrowed €50 from him the week before. He was up in my grill demanding repayment which I could not afford.
Prosecution: So you told him you could not pay?
Defendant: Yes, and then spent a few hours explaining to him that my legs were not an appropriate payment on a financial debt.
Prosecution: Could you explain that to the court?
Defendant: Well I can't see how a body part can be equivalent to a financial sum, but clearly this man's grasp of economics was flawed, that or he was obsessed with bits of human.
Prosecution: I see, so how did you resolve this transaction?
Defendant: He told me of the organ in the Cathedral of Saint John the Divine which was worth about what I owed him and he told me I could repay the debt by giving it to him. He threw me in to a black van and we drove off towards the Cathedral. Upon arrival he pushed me out of the van and threw a set of bolt-cutters at me. As this is a Tavistock account they naturally hit me in the balls. So I broke into the Cathedral looking for an organ. I cannot be held accountable for my misunderstanding at this point.
Prosecution: Could you tell the court what you mean Mr de Henau?
Defendant: Well, given Mr. Hardman's passion for equating financial sums to body parts I assumed that he meant I was to steal a human organ. During my stumblings I encountered a oddly dressed man who insisted on referring himself as “Bishop” so I stole the biggest organ he had, the skin. Also, he had said something about Aeolian-Skinner which I had remembered.
Prosecution: You freely admit to stealing the Bishop's skin?
Defendant: Of course, although I made quite a mess of it with the bolt-cutters so Mr Hardman would not accept it as payment, claiming that he never meant for this to happen. I was quite surprised when he told me he would “call off the debt sir, anything you say sir, just leave me alone sir, please, please, please”.
Judge: Court will reconvene after the bailiff had cleared the public gallery of vomit.