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Location: Safeway

Crime: Theft

Weapon used: Teeth


Down on his luck after spending all his hard earned cash on whores (c.f. Steve Wright), The Belgian wandered disconsolately around Durham. After first emulating the diet of his precious sheep by attempting to “graze” only to discover that he lacked the ability to digest “grass”, the second attempt was even more tragic. Taking the course of ultimate mendicancy he decided to go bin diving. As always with The Belgina, pride came before his fall. Rather than take the stuff out of a bin, he elected to disguise himself as this said item, and sit on the street outside the kebab-shop, waiting for a punter to discard his half eaten goods. Unfortunately the plan was horrifically bungled. Due to his British Racing green attire and his perfectly round pie hole of a gob, he looked not like a bin but a bottle bank, and all that got posted through his slot were cold, overly crisp and ultimately disastrous glass containers (bottles).

Much like Brixham to a visitor on the English Riveria, he was at his last resort. He wandered into Safeway – a shop whose name he found comforting when no other mother substitute could be found – and decided that what he could not earn or deserve he would simply have to take. This is the modus operandi of most of his crimes, as you, my dear reader, shall soon note.

As far as we are aware, he simply picked up a cucumber (hoping its lack of nutrients would ameliorate the seriousness of his act) and took a big bite out of it with his pointy, yellow fangs. Sadly, he was to die shortly after from complications.