FANDOM


aka Um Bongo major

The President once found an unexpected islet emerging from a slow to flood river. I can’t say for sure how long he was on there abusing himself before calling the society but large areas of vegetation were trampled. “My boys,” he said, “I shall make this a new Capri, that all of us might live well.” He gestured towards a pile of well-thumbed Just Seventeens – The Belgian immediately began classifying them, and though I could not tell the logic behind his ordering, the President seemed to appreciate his efforts.

Given the number of empty gin bottles, it was apparent that he spent some time making a plan. He cocked his head towards the river “We are surrounded by water”, he told us, “but I have a man with a boat.” Escape was obviously on his mind, but I couldn’t say from what exactly. I checked the trampled grass for signs of a struggle, or even worse, blood stains, but so far it seemed that no evil had transpired.

It was then that I noticed what appeared to be a birds nest at his feet was actually a crown of reeds, he put it on his head and looked up at the sky for a second before letting out a lupine howl. The Treasurer, who fears his next brush with the law may be his last, went pale white and fumbled around in his breast pocket for his hip flask. Checking that the President was still looking skywards he drained it.

The President went silent and took a few paces to the small hillock which was the highest point on the island. He stared upriver and started. A craft was approaching. “Prepare to land the boat you animals”, he said. “Stevedores and teamsters”, he muttered, laughing to himself. The boat was of a good size but seemed to be deserted. It was only as it came closer that I saw that its captain was barely four feet tall (and she was easily the loftiest on the boat). As they approached the Belgian was already wading out to meet them.

It was time to drink my Capri-Sol.