We never liked home rule for Ireland, nor do we approve of home rule for the Faroe Islands, and ever since 1948, the Society has worn sackcloths whenever it watches Kenneth Brannagh’s ‘adoption’ of ‘Hamlet’ (the casting of which we approve, Ken Dodd however has too ‘bare’ a face for Yorick). It was on such a day that we donned our widow’s weeds and began searching around the house to find the easter eggs which Uncle Cyril hidden that year. Well we found no eggs, but we did stumble across the following vegetables: steel, aluminium, copper, lead, zinc, iron filings, magnesium strips. Following an ancient recipe book – bought by the Secretary’s forward thinking employees as a retirement gift – in transpired that these were the EXACT ingredients required to manufacture a robot. The only thing we lacked was a chemistry set and some Smith & Newton oil paints, these we ‘acquired’ from Toys ‘r’ us by appealing to the manager’s baser instincts (we murdered him with broom shanks). In actual fact, our claim to robothood is fairly strong; the Belgian claims to be a cyborg and his story has been born out through an analysis of his gums – they are ‘tough as teeth’.
Well after three or four hours of hard graft (on The Intern’s part – he is a good man, always ready to work when the society whips him with fishing rods) we were presented with our prototype of a robotic Great-Dane. This brute of a dog has the following attributes, which a normal dog (of the following type: border collie; fox terrier) do not have: (1) A head: our life-like model boasts the full complement of heads ranging from ‘morning blue’ to ‘evening shadow’ (2) An outlet: allowing the animal to exhale unwanted bodily gasses without the foul ‘Havisockesque’ odour of its organic cousins. (3) A leash: we made doubly sure the animal was built with a leash, because sometimes it snarls. A gun: we eventually hope to train the police to do our societal ‘vigilante’ work, which, in any case, should soon replace the police force. This new advantage may bring our installation date forward by a couple of months.