THE TAVISTOCK SOCIETY (formerly the Havisock society) www.tavistocks.org
It is my absolute delight to be informing you of the aforementioned society's decision to explode award you our coveted silver star for excellence. The specifics of the item are as follows: type, notepad, moniker, OTTER.
The category it has achieved success in is:
2>awards and praises
The society has written both collectively and individually on over twelve (12) different types of paper (which will rise to thirteen (13) upon our successful supplication to the receptionist for printing privileges (we sense she senses the disquiet of the paying patients) promptly) and we informally estimate -so please only use this as a rough guide and not as scientific fact- that it is 24% betterer than its rivals and, goddam it yes, 17% more cooler.
Our reviewer said: “Notwithstanding my initial confusion about the application of the object in question, the density of the otter was quite dense. I like density in this regard, and also in several others.”
Our committee slowly and deliberately proclaim: “the OTTER is second to none (in distinct inversion of the position of the otter vis-a-vis the food chain”.
If the society ever makes:
unmanned short range airborne projectiles (to you: paper aeroplanes)
the OTTER will assuredly come into our considerations, like a blackguard enticed by the rumour of free discus, at an 'initiary' or 'starting up now' phase (just like mother phased me out of grandpapa's will)$.
In anticipation of your desire to celebrate both the taste and texture of these good tidings immediately, I bid you farewell.
Attached: one certificate cat 2E(1) awards and praises>general awards>miscellaneous items. Level- silver star.
$ in retrospect, a flawed simile.